I received an e-mail from a man (Peter) who had some question. As I was thinking about my reply, I thought that this might be an interesting blog post.
Question: You wrote that you never had sex before your marriage. How old were you? How was it possible for you to wait so long?
Yes, I was a virgin when I married. I was married at 22.
And, yes, I know this makes me somewhat of a freak by modern standards. However, I suppose I was able to maintain my virginity through a variety of factors. I was raised in a strict home and I attended a Christian school. As such, it was expected that a girl should wait. Of course, many of the girls I went to school with had sex. So attended such a school is not some guarantee of chastity, but I think it helps.
I also was very sheltered as a child. I was not allowed to watch TV or movies. So I had very little exposure to the mainstream culture that emphasizes sex.
I also was just not that interested in sex. I guess I was a late bloomer, my sex drive did not really kick in until I reached 30. So it wasn’t really hard for me to remain chaste for so long.
Question: I have the impression that you don´t like the fact that you had sex with another man. Right? If it´s true, is it because of your religious rules? Is it because it was the wrong man?
To be precise, I don’t like that I like to have sex with Mark. I have not shared my entire story yet, but Mark led my down a dark path.
One of the lessons I have learned from this experience is that sex can bring light or darkness, or good or evil. The dark path tempted me and I was surprised how much I compromised my self-respect and beliefs.
Question: You wrote something about guilt, but I cannot understand it.
Jeeez… where do I start? I violated the trust of my husband. I was the Other Woman to Lisa. I degraded my self-respect. I could go on all day about guilt. That is one of the reasons why I ended the relationship.
Question: You regret it. Right?
My honest answer? I actually have been regretting I ended the relationship.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Excellent post.
ReplyDeletePlease continue with your story and your posting. I find them fascinating. It is in my opinion a shame that so much negative emotion is wasted on what God gave us as the most natrual of all his creatures, the ability to enjoy sexual relations....all the "Thou shalt nots were written by men.....claiming to be or have been able to receive their orders directly from God.....that I find hard to believe....Im not trashing anyones beliefs....but it pains me that some feel guilty about having sex.....sex with spouses....lovers....anyone....especially females having these thoughts....pounded into them by men who want control.....Ill get off my soap box now...thank you very much
ReplyDeleteWow, I grew up without a T.V. too, a virgin before being married, but am so bored in my marriage. Is it the lack of T.V growing up or the virginity that has caused me to be so feisty?!
ReplyDeleteHow has the affair affected your children? Do you feel guilty about not being with them in evening as you say you are going out with a friend but instead head off with Mark? Will they ever know that their Mommy that teaches them about purity, modesty and to find a man who is truly wild at heart for righteous strength, has not been faithful to their Daddy? My intent is not to put you on a guilt trip, it is to wonder how it is after it is all done with, and is it worth it.
ReplyDeleteAmy, I understand you're craving the aggressiveness, the excitement, the risk, and the sex. But don't go back to this man. If you must, find another man that can give you those things and care for you. Better yet, maybe you can get your husband to give you at least some of these. Perhaps he just needs some encouragement. Stay strong.
ReplyDeleteQM
The affairs tend to make you crave more...its like once you get a taste of that forbidden fruit.....you want so much more.
ReplyDeleteGeorgette -
ReplyDeleteI have been on a guilt trip for a couple of years. And, yes, my children are a big reason I want to change my life and end the affair. Not just my children, but I also need to set an example as a teacher.
QuietMan -
ReplyDeleteThat is good advice. However, it may be complicated to get Mark totally out of my life. I will probably post about that.
Asweetnectar -
ReplyDeleteI am finding that is true. I am in a battle between my spirit and my flesh. I hope the craving will go away soon.
Oh Amy! I totally understand! I am going down the same path. I can't stop. I hope I never get caught! In August a guy started here. I have totally fallen for him. The very first day I met him I was crushing on him. Nothing has happened between us. But he sounds like your Mike. He controls the whole relationship we have. I back off he pulls me back in.
ReplyDeleteI can't tell you what to do and I won't. All I want to say is be careful. It can be very heartbreaking.
Spin –
ReplyDeleteI know. I wish I could show how transfer the sexual addiction I have for Mark to my husband.